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11:30am 02/09/2004
mood: contemplative
I feel sometimes as thought I am falling deeply into despair- for I am lonely and cannot share my thoughts. My dreamy, weak, romantic thoughts…I feel alone… there’s so much beauty in the world, so much opportunity, yet I do absolutely nothing but wait, occasionally looking at art or faraway places in the glossy pages of a book… but they seem farther away at every glance. Is this my life? Is this where destiny has led me? Is this all that life is? Does anyone feel the way I do? Can one separate themselves from present reality, without rebelling completely against is? Does the time come when one must stop riding cautiously along the edge? If you don’t choose something you aren’t a part of anything. Do I seek out sadness or does it come naturally to me?

Sometimes I look at or think about something that is beautiful and I ache. But perhaps it isn’t beautiful, or doesn’t really matter if no one thinks it is beautiful.

All these wasted hours… All this wasted time… on and on and on until it stops. When will there be a new thought or faith… Not new but rediscovered-realized-reborn… Another Renaissance. When will we receive the moon, instead of just the Earth, which we only destroy as fast as we can? How can I be so selfish when I’m healthy, and young, and alive in “safe” America? Why do we ignore everything that is important? When can anything be right?

Three Fish and incense (and cloves) make me feel a bit better. I think I’d be a lot better if I could write. But it’s safe to say waiting for inspiration is a bad idea. But where does one stupid college girl start?

I’d like to be like Darwin and go on a five-year tour of the world and make a great discovery that changes the way we look at everything. I’d like to be like Da Vinci or mythical Hypatia and be a scientist, and a writer, and a philosopher, and a painter, and an inventor. I’d like to study music and art and literature and history and understand math and how things work and why they work and teach and create and study. I’d like to be lost in the ancient world, a Pilgrim for Truth and “the Good”/first cause/God. I’d like to make something beautiful. I’d like to be understood and not be “cute” in all of my pathetic weakness and romance. I’d like to dance. I’d like to think again- to feel again. And not be some stupid, passionless girl doing what I’m told, following a system, and working as some meaningless part of a machine to make money, which in theory I abhor. I want to be interested in issues, ideas, people again. Feeling connected and completed, by something or someone. I want to fill the hunger that won’t end, or at least try to. But words are only words; it’s actions that matter. I want to stop being only a dreamer and do something… I want to be fearless.

Sometimes I think I’m longing for something to long for. It is called depression when you have lost your zest and passion for things… or is that what it is to be grown up? It’s almost like I’m mellowing out into neutrality… nothing really touches me. Not to say I don’t have emotions… I cry everyday, and laugh the rest of the time… but there is nothing deep enough, long enough, forceful enough. There’s not intensity or passion. I want to dance; I want to be falling in love-even if I’m not completely in love. I want to want something, I want to ache for something, I want to feel pain at the beauty and perfection of something… I want to contemplate… I want to connect mentally/spiritually to someone…and not be desensitized. I’d also like for something to matter beyond its shallow surface value, be beautiful throughout, not because it costs so much but because it’s value is priceless- like faith. I’d like to be listened to with out being patted on the head and “corrected” and being forced to be logical. I’d like to care about something just for the sake of caring about it… not because I’ll benefit socially or economically or because some religion nobody cares about anymore will call me righteous. I’d like to think things matter because they fucking matter. I’d like all my antics to be noticed… not for whatever physical beauty youth might have blessed me with but for my thoughts, my spirit, my soul- whatever the fuck that is. I’d like to stop being frustrated, shot down, lied to and told to assimilate. I’d like to stop burying my real feelings in 21st century bullshit etiquette, and for someone to fucking notice what is important. I’d like clarity. I like feeling this way again…it would appear that I am not dead.
Maybe I should call that daoist guy from last summer… at least he was interesting. Then again what’s the use?

I love Scott Weiland.
“I am, I am, I said I’m not myself, I’m not dead, and I’m not for sale.” Even if he is a fucking junky. Rock the fuck on. I need communication and self-expression. I’m a bitch.
“Are you ever gonna surrender,
Do you even care?
Wasn’t talking about a sweet submission,
Wasn’t even there.”
Fuck that part about the suit, that part sucks.

Sometimes someone can ask you about your state of mind and there are no words, only feelings… that to be understood must be mutual. I don’t care if Psychology tells me I feel things that don’t exist… Freud thinks women want to have a penis. Haha. Anger is a wonderful thing… unlike depression it empowers. Passion is a wonderful thing.
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heh heh, this is sweet:   
08:13pm 27/08/2004
mood: amused
I just want some affection
I just want some affection
I don't want no hoochie-coochie mama
no back door woman
no Queen's street sex thing
I want a tiger, a bengianese
with all the kindness of the japanese
I just want some affection
I wish I heard voices
Wish I was a telephone

Karen yeah-yeah, Karen yeah-yeah

Karen yeah-yeah, Karen yeah-yeah yeah

I said yeah, oh Karen!

I know this girl,
this very special girl
She works in a library, yeah
standing there behind the counter
willing to help
with all the problems I encounter

Helps me find Hemingway
Helps me find Rene
Helps me find Brett
Helps me find Chandler
Helps me find James Joyce,
she always makes the right choice

She's no queen,
she's no angel,
just a peasant from the village
She's my god, she's my god
She's my g-o-d, she's my god, yeah, yeah
She's my g-o-o-d, yeah
She's my god now

Oh, she's my god now Yeah!
Karen yeah-yeah, Karen yeah-yeah
Karen yeah-yeah, Karen yeah-yeah yeah

I said yeah, oh Karen!

She stands there in the library
like a nun in her church does
like a nun in her church does
She stands there all alone
She gets me something that I
just can't get now anywhere else
cause the girls that I see
walking around, yeah the ones I see
walking on the street
are so damn-da-da-da-damned cold
Cause they must have eskimoe blood in their veins
Yeah the one that I want
I just can't see
I can't see a bear
I can't see anywhere


Oh Karen yeah-yeah...

Karen, Karen, Karen, Karen, Karen, Karen!

One day i'll have my own weird Australian rock boy to visit me at the library and write freaky songs about me....One day...
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"first day of school, which has nothing to do with coffee..."   
09:38am 25/08/2004
mood: horrified...not really
I started today off feeling confident, glad to be going back to school. I was in Billy Madison mode even... "I am here to Learn." My first class is a poetry class, I love literature, and I'm excited about learning more about poetry. More poems about syphilis to tell everyone about on Christmas vacation... Joy! I liked the smell of the room, the way it was set up, my grandmotherly prof. and her broomstick skirt that reminded me of the spree I went on at sunshine thrift store buying similar ones in attempts of being more gypsy-like, but never wore again after Shannon and Rachel told me I looked like a "real librarian." There were a couple of friendly girls in my class and even a scraggly blonde haired guy with a hat who kept saying "dude" like a surfer. But it was the girl to my right that tipped me off that something was awry, because she was wearing thick white eyeliner, like Lindsey used to-in 8th grade! I looked around, these kids did look sort of young, especially for a poetry class. There was no way any of them were older than I was. Ah well... that didn't matter because I was going to learn about syphi- I mean poetry.

Then suddenly it was announced- I was in English 1210... hmmm that's weird... I'm supposed to be in 2600... Ah well, no worries. I either read the room wrong-the schedule was a bit confusing- or they made a mistake in the office. No big deal. Grandma went off to the office to ask them about my predicament. I sat down confident.... I'd be learning about syphilis in minutes or less! Grandma comes back... everyone looks at her.

"this is indeed 1210. Your schedule says 8. P.M."

"... ... .... .... .... .... ... ... ... ... ... Oh... ... ... it does say p.m.... .... ... ... ... ... ... ..."

Thirty-one pairs of freshman eyes stare at me. Thirty-one freshman minds are thinking "MORON!" Oh yeah I'm so cool this year... I'll bet this whole semester I'll be sitting in K or at Java Coast and I'll hear snickering. I'll hear them whispering... I'll be at a total disadvantage though because I can't remember what thirty-one people look like. But hey, I'll be popular. I guess I could hide out in the library, but they might have a warrant out for my arrest for not returning that stupid Dante book...


But the weird thing is I didn't even care. They're just freshmen anyways. Fuckers.

Now I have to take some goddamn history class about the new world explorers because it's the only damn thing open. That's just going to make me want to drop out of school...but I don't get as much money if I'm only part time, so....I guess...

But then something really did piss me off. Pop is now $1.25. Thank you MCC for sucking us poor students even more dry. Thank you so much. It's been many a winter day that I have stayed alive drinking my daily Mt. Dew. Many a broke Thursday that I scraped together a dollar in nickels to get my life-juice... but another quarter? Come on now. That's just wrong. That's more expensive than Speedy Q, and that is bad. All I can say is they just better bring back the caps that have truths about life this November or I'm going to boycott. Those things were pretty hardcore shit.

"mow the lawn"

"get a job"

"be open-minded"

"read your schedule next time"

"fucking MORON!!!"

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10:21pm 06/07/2004
mood: pensive
To those of you who know me well (and those who don't probably) I know I've been melodramtic lately. And for that I am sorry. Kimberly, I know things are okay now but I just want to make a livejournal post saying I'm sorry again. I am.

My fourth sort of blew. Mr. July turned out to not be very much fun. We sat under the fireworks and it should have been wonderful...but there was nothing romantic or fascinating about it. It made me sad...and I was relieved to get home. He said I was his perfect girl...but he's basing that on my um... appearence... it was sort of like what Kimbersquee might have called "mystic frog" all over again. Only not so much whining...

Tonight Krysta and I finally went and looked at that guy's car. He says he'll sell it to me for 1200 which is pretty sweet...but I'm not completly sure if I'll buy it yet. Although it would be fantastic to have a car...any...car....

After that i was feeling sort of low, because of the near argument i had over insurance with my Mom... but Krysta, being the wonderful if crazy girl she is, let me cry and complain and rant suicidly, and then still cared enough to drive me down to Mt. Clemens so i could buy some chai. Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without that girl...and Chai always makes me happy. We sat down there talking about people we'd forgotten and wondering what had happened to them until it started getting dark and all the lights came on in the trees (that sentence hardly makes sense...) and then we went walking around. We heard this boy singing... so passionate and sad and happy all at once. I don't think I listened to what he was saying, but I listened to his voice...and it expressed everything I've been feeling lately. And suddenly I wasn't alone anymore.... Krysta told me to go talk to him or something...but I just felt like listening. Sometimes mystery is a good thing.
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06:20pm 04/07/2004
mood: crazy
I was searching Lj for pretty fo banners and then I realized... I don't really want to make my journal friends only. Fuck that shit.

Life is frustrating right now. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am being pulled in a thousand directions...and I don't end up getting anything done. I make a lot of money...but I don't save much. I hate work, but it relieves me from life. How can work be relieving? You know you are in trouble when you want to go to work. I think I'll be relieved when school starts...because I got into my Philosophy of Religion class...and Philosophy class made me happy in the spring. ...and also when I marry Travis.
Actually his name isn't really Travis... but that's a WHOLE different story.

My parents piss me off. They aren't trying too... but DAMN IT.
I don't remember what my friends look like.
All I can remember is that crazy lady who fell asleep on pump 12.
Fucking crazy.
I also need some sleep.
I'll probably kill myself one day...but today is not that day...
Sooooo.... tonight I will be viewing fireworks with Mr. July. Festive!
wooooo! Truth Motel here we come. cough.
So that's what all of the Philosophy and searches for .... something comes down too. The TRUTH motel. hahaa. Irony.

Yes, I know I'm self-absorbed.
Leave me some comments so I know you're alive.
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01:35am 15/06/2004
  From now on my journal is going to be friends only...or at least until I get bored with that.. since I don't know how to upload my friends only banner yet...just pretend that I have one. If you got deleted from my friends list it's because I haven't talked to you in months, I don't remember who you are, or I don't want you reading my journal. If you would like to continue reading my journal leave me a comment and let me know.  
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07:57pm 13/06/2004
mood: melancholy

do I do what I know is the right thing to do in the long term... Or do I go with what makes me feel alive? And does doing the former make me a hypocrit?

"Let us be lovers we'll marry our fortunes together"
"I've got some real estate here in my bag"
So we bought a pack of cigarettes and Mrs. Wagner pies
And we walked off to look for America

"Kathy," I said as we boarded a Greyhound in Pittsburgh
"Michigan seems like a dream to me now"
It took me four days to hitchhike from Saginaw
I've gone to look for America

Laughing on the bus
Playing games with the faces
She said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy
I said "Be careful his bowtie is really a camera"

"Toss me a cigarette, I think there's one in my raincoat"
"We smoked the last one an hour ago"
So I looked at the scenery, she read her magazine
And the moon rose over an open field

"Kathy, I'm lost," I said, though I knew she was sleeping
I'm empty and aching and I don't know why
Counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike
They've all gone to look for America
All gone to look for America
All gone to look for America
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Damn it   
01:56pm 07/06/2004
mood: weird
Why is everything in my life so ridiculous? It's so funny. I live in a movie. Why do things/people I hate fascinate me so much? Could it be that I don't really hate them? Well... I know I don't hate anything...but.... whatever... that doesn't make sense. Why do I have to have the perfect romantic opportunity right fucking now? Why don't I want to be in a relationship? That's what everyone wants... so why do I want to be semi-single? Goddamn it. What the hell? I have this hunger, and absolutely nothing fills it... things/people/events can distract me for a while...but nothing is ever enough. Ever. And who the fuck has my fucking email address? heh heh heh. Bizarre.
I still want to go west... Heidi, your inspirational quote made me want to go even more...but I really should get a car so I can start driving myself to Detroit and to independent film theatres...and such. Speaking of which who wants to go see "Mudge Boy" with me? Seriously... everyone should go see that movie.

in other news Kimberly, Heidi, and Krysta... I fucking love you three, we have to have semi-drunken chats every weekend... and Kimberly will have to not work the next day for some of them.
Fare thee well.
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10:57pm 06/06/2004
  Damn it. Damn.  
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i'm not only bipolar, I need a shrink   
09:24pm 04/06/2004
mood: crazy
The last few days were interesting. One day was violin-ing (sort of) in the cemetery day, and yesterday was go to another park day. That was certainly an adventure. First we couldn't find the the woods... then we got lost in the woods. Did get to climb a tree in a leafy glade though, which was lots of fun. It was a beautiful day yesterday... but then it started getting dark and we couldn't find our way out. It was just like a horror movie...guy and girl go to a park...guy and girl get lost in the woods. We ended up crossing this never ending field of grasses and climbing a fence. Well I didn't exactly climb the fence myself...but you know he did. I sort of um... yeah, anyways we get over the fence and we found this building, and we were like what is this a resturant? The Stony Creek cult? It was funny. But instead it's these hicks. Very friendly hicks mind you, but hicks none the less. And they told us we were no longer in the park. hahaha. So we asked them for directions, and some guy who is supposidly a "big Teddy bear" and who was named either Ned, Ted, Nick, or Mick offered to give us a ride, and started talking about Karma and stuff, which of course Jonathon loved. So he drives us down the road and tells us we can sneak in through two posts of the fence and walk down to our car. He was a great guy...but it was still horror movie like, like he was sending us into the evil carnival where we were going to be raped, mutilated, and later packaged up and sold as Viena sausage....

So then we found the car... and got yelled at by some guard at the gate. This guy looked exactly like what you'd picture a guard to look like, big fat guy who eats too many donuts. He threatened to give us 100 dollar tickets-to which i was like okay, but Jonathon was too fond of- but then kicked us out. But we know they were pot smoking fools, who cracked open some beers and laughed about it as soon as we left. Probably they go skinny dipping and night so they can be "FREEEEE" and most likely either they got kicked out of Stony Creek when they were pot-smoking youth in the 60's and some day either Jonathon or I or both of us will be rangers at some park somewhere and we'll do the same thing and laugh about it as well...

Or maybe that was just the next part of the horror movie. The pretend park rangers who ask you to get out of your car and then "pat you down"... cough cough.

After we left the moon was lovely, huge and low and orange...and we got lost... we ended up driving down Romeo Plank-whatever the hell that is, i mean seriously, what a gay name for a street- and listening to Simon and Garfunkel ("Hello darkness my old friend...") we were all hyped for another adventure-at least I was- but suddenly things started to look familiar... we ended up in mt. Clemens. Always Mt. Clemens. Damn it. All roads lead me back there. And I didn't even have money for chai.
This morning I woke up with a big puffy eyelid, I look like I got punched...I'm hoping it's a day long allergic reaction that will be gone by tomorrow.

So today I got the day off work unexpectedly, which was sweet... but I didn't really do anything because I was pretty depressed for some reason, and tired, and because it's Jason's 21st birthday and I haven't been home in ages. So I came home.
We went out to dinner, and I found out my mother thinks I need a shrink. Now I'm not saying I don't agree with her, I really really am flipping out lately, though I'm not really sure why, but I don't understand why SHE thinks I need one... because I have a full time job? Because I moved out? I don't get it... I truly don't get it. But I told her if she wants to pay for me to see a shrink, then I'll go see one. Maybe. Maybe I'll make stuff up to make my shrink think I'm crazy...er... Mom didn't seem to like the idea of me driving cross-country in July. She has to ruin all of my fun. Why can't I be crazy if I want too? Everyone else is crazy.

After dinner I spent lots of money on music at Recordtime... I thought I was supposed to be getting a car...aww shit.

When are we having an Apec-y kind of night? Anyone who I have pissed off, disappointed, or blown off lately I swear to you it isn't intentional. I miss you all. I have to work at 5:45 tomorrow morning. BLAH.
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I'm bipolar   
02:47pm 02/06/2004
mood: crazy
I had a fun time at work today...heh. I've recently developed insomnia/ I go out a lot, so I have slept about eight hours in the last three days. I also worked twelve hours yesterday and then had to work at 6 a.m. So i was like passing out at work. So I decided to buy some caffeine pills. haha. Yeah. and drink a hell of a lot of mt. dew. Only I think I took it a bit too far and came pretty close to passing out from too much caffeine. Damn fucking pills. Who O.d.'s on caffeine? hahaha, I can't even o.d. right. Sigh.

That said... for those of you who have been worried about me recently. cough cough. Don't be, I'm fine. Just overtired, and stressed out. And sort of pissed at certain people. Not to say that I'm overly upset about how things have worked out... overall I think everything that has happened is for the best anyways. I'm sort of sad about certain things... not receiving phone calls from certain people cough cough, but I understand too. I am sort of sad right now and mopey, but I think I need to be for a while. When I feel like cheering up....then I will. So for the time being if I seem bipolar.... just ignore it.
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03:20am 01/06/2004
  you know it's strange how the universe works. Very strange. I had such a wonderful evening. sigh.  
lovely summer thoughts   
09:53pm 29/05/2004
mood: thoughtful
It's strange how things work out... Very strange. Sometimes when you ask for something you have to wait and wait and wait for an answer and you're still not sure when at last you think you've found one...and sometimes the answer smacks you in the face instaneously... or if not the answer, at least a possiblity... a way to find the answer someday. and what could be more exciting then questions...as long as there is a little guidance. Like a mushroom saying "this is the way." heh.

I walked from my apartment to my parents house early this morning. Nice six or seven mile walk... it was a nice day. But a tip for any of you kids who ever do such a thing... don't walk down fifteen mile alone at 7:30 in the morning...and especially don't offer ciggarettes to anyone you might meet... *shudder* That one almost scarred me for life.

Then I didn't get to go to the DEMF which was sad because I loved it last year, and I have some fond memories of Hart Plaza...but I suppose there is always next year. And I did have some interesting...natural ...experiences. cough.

What the hell happened to the raging bash at Adams?

In other news Krysta has been mia for about ten hours...I'm worried like crazy.
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11:51pm 27/05/2004
mood: morose
Lately I've been too busy to think ... and i've almost been too busy to feel. I certainly haven't had time to read all the wonderful books people keep lending to me. But I suppose that I have been having a lot of interesting... um...adventures. Although I don't know if you could really call my experiences adventures...hmmm.

Tonight I finally have time to sleep, but of course I can't. And so I am being hit head on with "the void" and lots of thoughts. But my thoughts are always cirrcular and never accomplish anything. I thought money would make me happy but that's only good for material things. I thought alcohol would make me happy, but you can only drink so much. I thought lovers would make me complete but it only lasts while you're with them. I thought lots of friends would make me happy, but now I feel like I am constantly letting everyone down. I thought reading books would make me wise and intellectually fufilled, but there's always so much more to learn. I love the questions, I honestly do, but sometimes I want some fucking answers.

I don't mean to sound depressed, I'm not...at least I don't think I am. But is this what it is to live? Does anyone ever really understand?
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11:38pm 22/05/2004
  Fuck off motherfucker.

In other news.... I look good in red.

It's been an interesting couple of days. Work has been sort of blah, but I do enjoy getting a large paycheck...even if I did spend it all in one day. Cough cough

I guess that's all for now. damn lj.
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Moving on to other things....   
10:52am 17/05/2004
mood: tired
Lately I haven't really been feeling like myself. I don't even remember who "myself" is though. Not that i'm confused, or depressed, or anything of that sort... i just don't really remember what it was like to not be doing something, and to have time to think about things. Probably has something to do with the fact that I've been sick for so long, and I'm hopped up on about seven different pills most of time.
Yeah so last week was the last week of school. (!!!!!!) I'm happy. I didn't do so hot in Trig, but that's my fault because I didn't do my homework. And I did get a 100 on my Philosophy exam. Plus my Philosophy paper kicked ass. But I don't wanna think about school for a while.

I work at the gas station tonight, blah. I can't decide whether I like that job or not, but whatever, it's a job. And for now it's my main source of income. I'm only going to be working about ten hours a week at EPL... which is fine with me, because that means my weeks are only going to be 50 hours...which means I might actually have free time(!!!) Time to wander aimlessly, and drink chai, and be idealistic...yeah...

Today I'm sort of moving into the apartment. What does that mean? It means that I'm a lazy bastard and don't feel like boxing all my stuff up...so I'm just taking what I'll need to survive for a while. Plus i need to buy new everything anyways. and besides that, it would be difficult to bring my vinyl collection when I have to get a new record player...since I doubt jason will let me take ours. So I'm just taking some clothes, a few books, a few c.d.s and my favorite hat. hee hee. what a dork.

I think I'm going to buy my cousins car. You should be proud Adam. It's really low mileage and all that, the only problem is i'm going to have to learn stick shift. Ah well, it'll be an adventure.

I have no clue where i am going to be for the rest of this week, I don't even know if I will have access to the Internet because...well... I don't think we have it at the apartment yet, so if you need me call my cell phone. And even if you don't need me, call my cell phone, because I miss everyone.
P.s. If your name is Sara, and you happen to be reading this then I'm sorry I didn't call you yesterday, but I was feeling rather horrible. I will.
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12:59pm 08/05/2004
mood: lonely
So things have been pretty grand lately...the other day was oh so summery. I don't remember what day it was, but whenver I went outside i could smell flowers...It was lovely.

I've been busy I guess, but I had yesterday off. It was pretty nice to be able to SLEEP!! I hung out with the lovely Kimberly yesterday too. LOL.

I've decided to buy lots of rock albums and sleep in the grass. These are nice things to do.

But today is not very warm...or sunny, and it's not fun to sleep in the grass..
I've also been incredibly lonely lately. I don't know what it is... Maybe it's just me. I'm sure I'll be fine though. Maybe I just haven't been going out enough. Or maybe I need some new friends. I don't know, I'm sure I'll be fine. Or maybe I'm missing some people too. It's sort of like...I just have to talk to someone or something. I wish I was better at being indie. I don't really know... there should be an APEC night pretty soon though, because that would be some fun. But please guys, lets NOT go out to eat for once...or if we do eat, lets have a Pic-A-Nic in the park or something, because I have GOT to stop spending money on food. I'm going to get fat and poor.

Soon I must go to work at the new job... I plan to work there until inspiration strikes.... Hopefully that's soon.

Anyways this summer Lollapalooza is two days at Pine Knob, August 2nd and 3rd, so if you want to go for at least one of the days let me know, Jason and I are trying to get a big cool group of people to go.
I also am going to Chicago for a weekend sometime, so let me know if you want to go with me there too...because I'll go alone, but like I said, I'm not good at being indie. *sigh*

ps I think I need a change...how do you think I would look with maroon hair? (besides Heidi, because I know how you love the color maroon Hippy one.)
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free time?   
10:47pm 03/05/2004
mood: stressed
Really really big rant...Collapse )
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12:50pm 27/04/2004
mood: excited
It only took three and a half years, but inspiration has FINALLY struck me. And I thought that Calliope (and those other eight) had forgotten me long ago....
And the best part is. I need your help. Yes, YOU. So if you want to help let me know.

I'll be a writer yet. Now I can give up my plan of becoming a vigilantie.
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10:22pm 24/04/2004
mood: lonely
Leave me a comment, saying something intersting... I want to hear what you have to say. It can be anything. Comment anonymously if you want... I don't care. Just say something.
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